He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
