Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
