just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She announced her abortion via fbk
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
