Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
