Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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