I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
