Your dad touched me again.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
