I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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