I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There are leaves in my underwear?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize