I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
