He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
