I wish life had little blips of pornography
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
