oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
