I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
