it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
