Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
they need to just BURY HIM!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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