His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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