Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
tell me about the fingering
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