I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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