I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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