Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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