i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
