Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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