in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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