and you said cock pushups were impossible
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
