How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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