we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
whose parrot is this?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
