Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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