you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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