You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
now i know why i became what i already was.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
