marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
