Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
should my penis look like a turkey
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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