Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
