I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
