omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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