My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
be right there i have to get my cape
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
