Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
