you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
