are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
