I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you would pick up someone in the library
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
