does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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