he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
