Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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