If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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