I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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