so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I AM VODKA MAN
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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