Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
