i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You took a bar mat shot.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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