Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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