i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
