i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
