i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
