The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
