Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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