I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I party with great urgency now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
