the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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