Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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