he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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