i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize