i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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