jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
