he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just cropdusted the office
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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