Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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