Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
