fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
