So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
