What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
