I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
did i walk over a car last night?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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